This is Me
by CindyBaby
Summary: Now that Michael has found Nikitas home, and they are alone, what does he want?
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little something to get my inspiration running now that my writers block seems to have let go of the hold it had on me. This fic picks up where the Nikita episode "Echoes" left off. Be warned, this is rated M, for angst and sexual situations. Michael might be a bit OC, but keep in mind that he feels betrayed by Nikita with everything that has come to light. There might be some coercion in regards to sexual situations. Nikita is angry. Michael is angry. And we all know what happens then. Honestly this is mostly smut. You have been warned. I don´t own them.**

"Ask me how I got here"

Nikita didn´t answer, she was too shocked. Michael wasn´t supposed to find her home, to find her, not while she was unarmed and not expecting it. Sitting there he looked as if he didn´t have a care in the world, and maybe he didn´t. Afterall, he was the one armed with the gun.

For some reason she knew that he had come alone, that they were alone. The thought scared her. She would have preffered a dozen of divisions best agents in the room rather than being alone with Michael. Unknown agents she could handle, Michael was something else. She eyed the gun carefully, would he use it?

Michael continued.

"So, you and Alex. I´m impressed. You two had everyone fooled. But you got sloppy"

"It was a good plan" Nikita finally spoke.

"It was. Most plans have their weak spots though, and yours was no different"

Her eyes narrowed and he continued.

"I knew something wasn´t right when Thom died, and when you were "captured" I was sure of it. But I didn´t have anything to go on until a certain phonecall was answered inside this loft".

Nikita cursed silently. Damn him.

"Alex" She started but he cut in.

"Is safe. For now".

She tried to hide the worried look on her face but she wasn´t fast enough, not for him.

"For now?"

"For now. Until I decide otherwise"

"You wouldn´t. She´s innocent" Nikita was starting to get angry and it showed in her voice.

"I doubt that. She wouldn´t be here if that were the case"

Nikita was about to speak when he stopped her again.

"It doesn´t matter. I´m not here to talk about Alex"

"Why are you here?"

Such a loaded question.

"Why do you think?"

"Don´t play games Michael" It´s making me nervous she added silently to herself.

He laughed.

"That´s your thing, not mine".

She had nothing to say to that. What could she say? She tried the truth.

"This is not a game to me Michael"

"Of course not. Revenge never is"

She heard the bitter tone of his voice but decided to ignore it.

"I´ll ask again, why are you here?"

"You owe me some answers"

"I owe you nothing!" She spat, feeling cornered.

She briefly entertained the idea of running, Michaels voice stopped her.

"Don´t even think about it"

How did he know?

"You´re here alone" It wasn´t a question but he answered anyway.

"Yes"

"Why?"

"We have some unfinished business, I didn´t want anything, or anyone, interrupting"

"How do you know that I´m alone?"

This was getting out of hand and she was getting desperate, something she hated feeling, especially when it came to division, especially around Michael.

"Well let´s see, Fletcher is hard at work at his little desk, Alex is in her apartment and Owen is in Europe..."

Smug bastard.

He grinned at the look of anger on her face.

"There is no one here but you and me Nikita"

They regarded each other silently, both wondering about the others move. The grin slid from Michaels face and was replaced by a hard look.

"You used me"

"How so?" Nikita wondered.

"You used the fact that I care about the recruits that enter division, and you used the fact that I care about you".

"I haven´t..." She was once again cut off.

"Oh spare me the lies Nikita. You have always used the fact that I want you, or have you forgotten how you managed to escape division?" He mocked.

She hadn´t.

"That´s what I thought. So don´t tell me you haven´t used me Nikita"

"And what about you Michael? How many times did you and divison use me for whatever reason?" Her voice was bitter but she didn´t care. He could blame her all he wanted, she had done things she wasn´t proud of, but he was no better.

"Trust you to bring that up. You know I had no choice. This is different and you know it" He stood up and took a step closer to her "You have used my feelings for you, because you just figured I would accept it. Well, guess what, I´m not anymore. You have been playing with fire Nikita."

"Big words from the man with the gun"

"This? I don´t need that, we both know who is the stronger one here"

"It´s been a long time since my training days Michael, and with recent events in memory I think we are pretty evenly matched"

Michael smiled and took a step back to place the gun on a table behind him. It was the moment she had been waiting for, her escape, she didn´t know who would win a fight between them, and she knew she couldn´t kill him, not Michael, so she had to run. He knew where she lived. She could never come back here.

In a quick move she grabbed the lamp from the table on her right and chucked it at him and turned to run.

The fight or flight instinct is deeply ingraved in every human being and animal. The problem is that when you´re desperate you make choices you might not have otherwise, sometimes they work out fine. Sometimes they don´t.

Nikita tumbled to the floor as she was tackled from behind.

Michael flipped her over and moved his head out of the way to avoid her fist. He struggled to grasp her arms and finally managed to pin them on either side of her face.

"I knew you would run" He glared at her "It´s what you always do. But not this time Nikita"

She struggled against his hold but his hands were like iron clasped around her wrists.

"Now what Michael? Are you going to kill me?" Before she would never have thought him capable of it, but now he looked so angry, his eyes burned at her and his hold on her wrists tightened even more making her wince.

He kissed her.

The kiss was hard and full of anger. She tried to twist her head to the side but he simply followed, refusing to let her break the kiss. When he finally pulled back his eyes were dark and his lips red, mirroring hers. She struggled to speak, but it was difficult to form words with the way he was looking at her. She took a deep breath.

"Why are you here Michael?"

"I´m tired of being played with Nikita. I´ve had enough. You have no idea how complicated this whole mess is, especially since you decided to involve others"

"I needed help" Her tone was defiant.

"So you recruited a CIA agent?"

"He wanted to help" Defiant again.

He simply looked at her for a few seconds before he let a ironic smile grace his face while he shook his head.

"Did you know that we had him followed? You should have, you know how this works. Did you know?"

Her silence was the only confirmation he needed.

"You have no idea how close Johnsson were to you that night do you? You should be thankful that he waited for back-up, otherwise you would have found yourself back at division, or dead".

Nikita grew cold. What night was he talking about?

Michael saw her confusion.

"Let me enlighten you. A bar, Ryan Fletcher, you".

Oh.

"I see I´ve triggered your memory".

She didn´t speak, only looked at him calmly, trying to figure out what he knew. As always he knew what she was thinking.

"I know you kissed him"

**This will be a 2-3 chapter story only, mostly to get me back in the flow again so to speak. I hope you like it!**


	2. No going back

**On to part two. I agree with you, dark and possessive Michael is hot. Underneath that suit and stony exterior is a guy who wants a lot, and is sick of waiting for it so he goes after it himself (one can only hope for such wisdom from him on the show). As usual I don´t own them.**

"I know you kissed him"

What could she say to that? He obviously knew everything that had happened. On second thought why should she say anything? Why should she defend herself when she hadn´t done anything wrong? Meeting his cold gaze with her angry one she tried to shut out the voice inside her that whispered that maybe she had done something wrong.

"What I did or didn´t do is none of your business"

"Oh really? So I shouldn´t look out for you, try to make sure that you aren´t hurt?"

He almost growled the last words at her.

"It´s not your job Michael"

"Oh that´s right. That´s Fletchers job now right? To look out for you and make sure that you´re okay? What a joke"

"You don´t know him"

"I have no desire to know him, I know everything there is about him already" He leaned down so that his nose brushed against hers, heard her inhale sharply at their new closeness, and whispered "I know he likes you".

Nikitas eyes which had been about to close snapped open.

"Wha..."

"Oh please, you know he does" a small laugh "Do you honestly belive he would do all this otherwise?"

"He wants to do whats right" Nikiat snapped at him, the haze he had lulled her into had lifted and she was angry, at him, at her, her feelings.

"Same old Nikita, naive to a fault"

The mocking tone in his voice made her see red.

"Well I guess I can´t blame you for thinking that, afterall, I thought you were different from the rest of them to, and look where that got me".

The shocked look on his face would have been satiesfying if it wasn´t for that small twinge of guilt in her heart. She didn´t mean that, not really. She used his shock and kneed him in the stomach. He gasped and his grip on her wrists loosened making it easy for her to break free from him and push him aside.

She was up and on her feet in seconds rushing across her loft for one of the guns she kept hidden in case of emergency. This was definitely one.

She was almost there when she was slammed against the nearest wall. She punched him in the face and made a move to knee him again but he was to fast and managed to pin her body to the wall with his own.

He pinned her arms to the wall on either side of her and pressed his body against hers. Their harsh breaths mingled in the space between them and their eyes locked.

"Not fast enough"

Nikita struggled against him but he only pressed her tighter against the wall.

"You´re only making this harder on yourself"

"What do you want me to do Michael? Stand still like a good girl while you prepare to kill me?"

Anger was good. Anger distracted her from the feel of his body against hers.

"I´m not going to kill you" She opened her mouth to speak "And I´m not taking you back to division".

Nikita was confused.

Michael saw her confusion and laughed lightly while his hands tightened on hers.

"I´m here, because I´m tired Nikita, I´m here because I´m angry, because I need you. Most of all I´m here because I want you".

Nikita closed her eyes when Michael lenaed forward and let his forehead rest against hers. When he spoke again his voice was a dark whisper against her face.

"I tried so hard to fight it, I tried to force myself to stay away, but I couldn´t, I can´t"

In his voice she heard the self-loathing he felt at this weakness. Oh this was wrong, she couldn´t let this happen. If this happened where would it end, where would they end? She had to push him away, now.

"Michael" She tried to move her hands and he let them go, two fingers sliding down the side of her neck making her shiver, his other hand settling at her waist. She moved her now freed hands to his shoulders and lightly pushed. He didn´t move.

"Michael, we can´t do this..."

He pressed a kiss to her ear and exhaled, his warm breath hitting her ear.

"Why not?"

Yes why not, her body screamed. Because I can´t take the pain when he has to leave, her heart whispered. And leave he would, like everyone else in her life he would leave her, either by choice of from force, this she knew. And she knew that it would feel a thousand times worse when it was Michael who left. Protect yourself, don´t let him get to you, you know what happens. Push him away.

"Because, because" She struggled to speak as Michael pressed a kiss to her neck, and then another one. "I don´t feel that way about you anymore, I, I´m involved with Ryan"

Michael stilled instantly, his lips still at her neck.

For a few seconds neither one spoke. Finally Michael pulled back to look her in the eye. She gasped. His eyes were dark with anger and something dangerous were flaring in them.

"What did you say?" He whispered darkly.

She swallowed and then steeled herself.

"I said, I´m involved with Ryan" She was surprised at how steady her voice was despite her inner chaos.

"You´re lying" he accused her.

"I´m not lying Michael. Now let me go so we can talk about this"

She was lying of course, not just about Ryan but about talking. She knew Michael was dangerous, everyone could see that, he carried himself in a way that spoke power, but she didn´t fear for her life now, no, it was her heart she was worried about. He didn´t answer just gazed at her steadily. She tried again.

"Michael let me go, now"

"You think it makes a difference now?"

"What?"

"Do you think I´m just going to let you go because you have deluded yourself into thinking that Ryan Fletcher could give you what you need?"

"I told you..."

He interrupted her again.

"You want me to back off because you have a boyfriend? Because of Ryan Fletcher?"

She hated the way he spoke his name.

"I like him" What a lie. Sure she liked Ryan, and if Michael hadn´t been in the picture things might have been different.

Michael leaned forward and let his lips trail over her cheek.

"Michael, Michael, stop..."

He pressed a kiss to her neck. She was getting desperate, she felt warm all over and her skin tingled. She had to get away from him, now, while she still had some control over herself.

"I´m supposed to meet Ryan for dinner soon"

She jumped as his hand slammed against the wall next to her head. She looked up at him with a gasp and met his dark and angry eyes for a second before he slammed his lips down on hers. She struggled against him. She lifted her hand to strike him across the face but he caught her hand and slammed it against the wall. She grabbed his hair with her other one trying to pull his lips away from hers.

He groaned at the pain and grabbed her hand and managed to get her to release his hair. He pressed it against the wall next to her head. She was once again captured between him and the wall, her hands on either side of her head.

His lips were rough and insistent. His tongue touched her lips and she gasped. He took the opportunity and slipped his tongue in her mouth, kissing her more deeply.

Nikita felt her knees go weak and she leaned against the wall behind her, Michael pressed against her harder. Desire was pounding through her making her dizzy, he was so close, and he smelled so good. She couldn´t resist him. She couldn´t remember why she was supposed to.

She kissed him back, making him moan against her mouth. They kissed until they had to breathe again. Nikita broke the kiss with a gasp and leaned her head to the side as Michael started trailing kisses down her neck, sucking hard at her skin as he went. She could almost feel the bruises forming, but it felt so good. But he wasn´t supposed to leave marks that anyone could see.

"No...marks..." she gasped out.

Michael didn´t answer only sucked harder at her skin and pressed his hips against hers, as if to remind her who she belonged to. His fingers which had been clasped around her wrists slid up to tangle with her fingers and he grasped them, pressing them firmly to the wall with his. He shifted closer to her and she felt what she did to him, pressing against her thigh. Without thinking about it she pressed back with a moan.

"God..." Her voice broke "Michael"

"I´m here" He whispered as his hands slid down her arms and came to rest at her hips and pulling her hard against him, before they slid around to her back and reached down to stroke her ass before grabbing her and lifting her against him.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and braced her hands at his shoulders. This new position pressed them intimately together and he groaned and bit her neck hard enough to leave a mark.

They kissed again, tongues meeting and teeth clashing.

Michael pulled back to gaze darkly at her before pulling away from the wall and with a few quick strides he reached the bed and they fell down on it, Michael landing on top of Nikita. Their lips met again and he quickly removed her jacket, leaving her white blouse. His hand trailed down and slid over her chest before returning to cup her chest in his hand making her arch her back and press tighter against him.

Their eyes met in a whirlwind of passion and Michaels hands slid over to the opening in her shirt and ripped, sending buttons dancing across the sheet.

For a minute he only looked at her with heat blazing in his eyes, before he slowly leaned down to kiss her breast through her blue bra, keeping his eyes locked on hers. For a while he was content to just kiss her through the bra but as her body started moving restlessly against his he slid back up her body to lean his forehead against hers, while slipping a finger under the strap on her shoulder, slowly inching it down.

His eyes followed the straps journey down her shoulder before shifting sides and repeating the process. He looked at her laying there like some goddess, hair spread across the pillow, lips red and puffy from his kisses.

How many times had he dreamed of this, of having her exactly like this. Too many to count. The rumour of Ryan Fletcher and Nikita had spread around division like wildfire, Percy had broken the news to him, and had not been able to surpress the glee he felt. He hadn´t understood the look Johnsson had shot him after returning from the failed attempt to capture Nikita, but when Percy told him it became clear. Well Fletcher wasn´t here right now, he was, and nothing was going to stop him this time, not Fletcher, not himself, not even Nikita.

"Michael"

Her voice cut through his musings and he met her eyes and saw the doubt in them. Why was she so scared of this? The only thing he had ever wanted was to keep her safe, with him. For a brief second he wondered where this would take them but the thought vanished as quickly as it had appeared, it didn´t matter, there was no going back now. He couldn´t.

**SORRY for ending it there, but I kind want the next chapter to be all about the uh, goodness. **

**I hope you´re enjoying this story :)**


	3. Honesty

**Thank you so much for the reviews, you really make me happy :) Remember this fic is rated M for sexual situations. We don´t know Michael & Nikitas history yet, but in this fic they never had an intimate relationship, they kissed and so on while she was at division but nothing more. Hopefully we´ll know more in April, I can hardly wait! :D Well on with it, as usual I don´t own them.**

Michael leaned down and pressed a kiss against her forehead tenderly.

"Don´t be scared, I´m not going to hurt you, I´ll never hurt you again, I promise"

Nikita looked up at him with dark eyes.

"Don´t make promises you can´t keep"

He opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. She slowly dragged her finger across his bottom lip.

"Not now"

He wanted to argue but when she replaced her finger with her lips he forgot what he wanted to say.

The kiss started out as a gentle press of her lips against his but soon their bodies demanded more. They had tried for so long to ignore these feelings, now it was entirely to late to stop. They both knew there was no going back after this.

Michael pulled back and looked down at her, a heated expression in his eyes. He had to make sure that she knew.

"There´s no going back after this, you know that right?"

Nikita shivered at the raspy sound of his voice and he continued.

"Tell me you know that"

Nikita nodded but Michael could again see that same old fear in her eyes. Was she afraid of him still?

He leaned down, his lips hovering over hers, her eyes closed as she tried to press her lips against his but he pulled back a little bit, making her eyes open in surprise.

"What are you afraid of?" He whispered to her.

He could almost see the shutters come down in her eyes, closing him out.

"Nothing"

She again tried to capture his lips with hers but he once again leaned back, making her sigh in irritation.

"Really Michael? Now?"

"Why can´t you just tell me?"

"Does it even matter right now?"

"I want to know"

She planned to ignore him, she knew she could seduce him and make him forget the fact that he had asked her a question, but the next words out of his mouth changed that. Changed everything.

"Nikita, please"

She could handle his anger and his demands, his stubborness and his control issues. But she couldn´t handle the quiet desperation in his voice. She had only heard it two times before. The first time was when he realized that she had met someone, the second time was when she left division and him behind her for three years, forever in his mind.

She closed her eyes, telling herself that she could do this. She wanted to trust Michael, he would understand. She opened her eyes and met his gaze.

This was the man who had trained her, yelled at her and scolded her, he had been the one person in division she had wanted to talk to, the only one who had listened without judging. Looking up at him she wondered why this was so hard now? He was still Michael. The man she had trusted with her life.

"You´re going to leave me. Just like everyone else."

There. It was said. She closed her eyes and turned her head away. But the touch of his fingers against her chin turning her head back to his made her open them again. Still she didn´t look at him, choosing to focus on something over his shoulder.

"Hey. Look at me"

She reluctantly met his gaze.

He smiled at her, a sad smile.

"I don´t want to leave you".

"Promise me"

Her voice was strong despite the fact that her soul was screaming inside, but she knew she didn´t fool Michael. Like always he saw right through her.

"I promise"

He pressed his lips against hers briefly before pulling back to press a kiss against her chest, over her heart. He looked up at her and the look in her eyes made shivers race down his spine as their lust for another flared again, hotter than ever.

Michael pressed his lips against hers hotly. She gasped and his tongue slipped inside to taste her again, he could never get enough of her. His hand found it´s way underneath her to unclasp her bra. Gone was the gentle touch from before and before she had time to blink he was slipping it completely off and tossing it to the floor. His mouth immediatley found it´s way to her right nipple, biting and sucking, makin her throw her head back and moan, hands clutching at the back of his head pulling him closer, he could never be close enough. She wanted to crawl inside him and stay there so she would never have to leave him.

The talk about losing each other had made them desperate to reassure themselves that they were there in each others arms, alive, and the fear made their actions even more rough. Nikitas hands pushed Michaels coat over his shoulders and he pushed it to the floor with one hand.

She soon gave up trying to unbutton his shirt, choosing instead to follow his lead and ripped it off causing him to let out a raspy laugh against her chest.

"What?"

She whispered to him as her hands roamed his chest and back hungrily.

"Nothing"

"You started it"

She teased him with a breathless smile.

"Don´t worry, I intend to finish it"

A dark whisper against her chest. His hands which had been stroking the skin on her stomach just inside her pants took hold of them and slowly dragged them down her legs and tossed them somewhere behind him. His eyes swept over her hungrily, he leaned down on one arm and placed his hand on her stomach. His touch was so sure, so certain that she swallowed hard. When he didn´t move his hand she glanced up at him and met his dark gaze.

"I´ve pictured this moment so many times in my mind"

"I have too" She smiled a shy smile at him.

"I´m sorry"

"For what?" She whispered.

"I wanted to be different" He swallowed "I wanted to be better, for you. I wanted to be able to be gentle, and I´m not going to be able to".

"That´s not who we are" She whispered to him, softly caressing his cheek. After a moments thought she added. "That´s what I love about us. It´s rough, yes, but also honest and raw. And it´s painful, sometimes more than I can stand" Her finger traced his lower lip. She had already told him her deepest fear, that he would leave her, it was time for honesty "But that´s what makes me feel alive, makes me feel like I am here, not just a ghost" Amandas words from years before echoed in her mind, _The world outside these walls is an illusion. It´s not really there for us. We´re ghosts. _

"You make me want to be alive, even when I shouldn´t" He looked down.

"I´ll do anything for you, I said I would, and I will, you know that"

He nodded.

They both knew what they were talking about. She had made him a promise and she would keep it.

His hand slowly moved down under her panties to press against her and she gasped, shocked at the sudden touch.

"No more talking" He whispered before kissing her.

As their tongues teased each other he slipped one finger inside her, making her moan and arch toward him, desperately seeking release. She broke the kiss and bit down on his shoulder when he added a second finger making him groan.

"You feel so good" He whispered against her neck while kissing and sucking at the skin there.

"I thought you said no more talking?" She teased him, her hands sliding down his chest to cup his hardness lightly in her hand, scratching lightly at his pants with her nails.

"Tease" He groaned.

She laughed lightly and unbuttoned his pants and reached inside to stroke him. His hips bucked forward of their own accord. His moan was the best thing she had ever heard. She stroked him lightly before he grabbed her hands with one of his and pinned them over her head. His other hand ripped her panties off before quickly ridding himself from his pants and underwear. For the first time they felt each others skin without any layers.

Michael leaned down and pressed their bodies together making them both moan, Nikita closed her eyes but Michaels hand on her face and his words urged her to open them.

"Look at me" he rasped.

Their eyes met and her legs spread as he settled in between them.

"I didn´t wanna need you so bad, but I do"

He kissed her hard and with one sure thrust he slid inside her. Her scream was silenced against his mouth, her body arching against his. He ripped his mouth from hers and pressed his face against her neck with a groan.

"Nikita..."

He pulled back and slid back in, they moved together as if they were made to fit together this way.

Nikita moaned and tugged at her arms, he released them and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her. His next thrust made her dig her nails in his shoulders hard enough to draw blood.

Michael groaned and bit her neck and thrust into her even harder.

"Michael Michael Michael..."

His name fell from her lips.

"Yes" He moaned against her neck.

No more words were spoken and their moves turned rougher and frantic, their control completely gone.

Nikita came with a gasp, her whole body clutching at Michael, who came with one last hard thrust while moaning her name. He collapsed against her, his lips against her neck. For awhile neither spoke, the only sound was that of their harsh breathing.

Michael finally pulled back, he looked into her eyes, he had never seen anything more beautiful. He pressed his lips against hers lightly before rolling and pulling her with him. She rested her head against his chest, his arms wrapped around her.

She turned and laid on her side, her back to Michael who pressed his chest against her back and his head to her shoulder. His hand found hers and they laced their fingers together.

"This changes everything" She spoke softly.

"It does" He agreed.

"I love you" As soon as she had uttered the words, a feeling of calm settled over her.

"You own my heart" He replied simply.

**Puh. What do you think? I don´t know if it turned out exactly how I wanted it, but this was the last chapter in the "This is me" story, I hope you liked it. The words Nikita remembered Amanda speaking about them being ghosts is actually a line from the show La femme Nikita, where Amandas character was called Madeline. "I didn´t wanna need you so bad" is from a song called "The way I do". Anyway how awesome is the One Moment promo? My fingers started to tingle and my head started to imagine different stories to write but I slapped them away to finish the stories I´ve got going lol. **


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